One of the most common and harmful kinds of hypocrisy is false generosity. These are the people who don’t do favors out of kindness, but rather do them out of self interest. Essentially, it’s nothing more than greed wrapped in a false blanket of sincerity, and is pervasive in modern America that more and more is expanding into a narcissistic culture.
To the narcissist, false generosity becomes a classic trap that they employ by doing a favor for someone as a way to manipulate them.
In public, the false generosity of a narcissist can take on many forms. It could be the Mom who always brings cookies, the person who volunteers at the homeless shelter, or the person who rescues animals from the pound. The Generous Narcissist likely appears to the public as a pillar in the community.
I’d like to focus on the narcissist who uses financial “generosity” as a weapon of control – to malign and blackmail those who are recipients of his gifts. Having managed to amass some measure of financial success for themselves, the financially generous narcissist uses his means to financially abuse people.
The cunning deceptiveness of the narcissist giver gives her/him the ability to come across as generous, which on the surface is an admirable human trait that displays charity and empathy. It also provides another mask of deceit. But like any mask the narcissist chooses to wear, the narcissist lets his mask slip around those closest to him.
Of course I’m not suggesting that all generous people are narcissists, nor have ulterior motives behind acts of charity or philanthropy.
All favors are not created equal.
Empathy and the desire to serve a greater good is at the core of true generosity and charity. As with most facets of life, the difference between the two lies in the intention behind the act.
According to some psychologists, pure, unselfish generosity isn’t always natural for us – that we’re not all connected by genuine empathy. While this may be true, most of us know that unselfish cooperation has contributed to our survival as a species.
The question that must be asked is: Is the person giving from an emphatic, generous heart or from a mindset that dictates the need for recognition and approval?
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a narcissistic giver, it can be very troubling. This person may be discrediting your very existence, and the the next minute, she may be offering up praise, opportunity, and gifts.
I witnessed this very scenario at the last ‘meeting’ of a Machiavellian narcissist sister. Make no mistake, these tactics are explicitly designed to lower your defense and for the narcissist’s self-portrayal to the ‘audience’ of her kindness and generosity. It is nothing more than a “gaslighting” technique of manipulation. A very effective one at that, since the “witnesses” of the contrived generosity provide for “plausible deniability” in any effort for the targeted person expose the narcissist for what she is.
You will be cast in doubt and accused of being “ungrateful” and/or “crazy” should you dare to publicly refuse the phony intentions behind the gift.
Since all people that are in the cult or harem of the narcissist are pawns in their endgame, always be mindful of the manipulation that is the weapon of choice for the narcissist, and they are experts at gaslighting. When you see that they employ gaslighting not just to the obvious target, but they gaslight everyone at anytime as a way to control, you will be much more prepared to stave off any pretentious acts of pseudo-generosity that may come your way.
“The Generous Narcissist encourages and often demands those closest to him to take a back seat to his or her career endeavors. He will even sabotage family members, because he realizes that money equals control. And then once the Narcissist has his family members diminished to a role of begging for money, he will mock, ridicule and shame them for abusing him financially. Nevermind that the Narcissist is compulsively buying Rolexes for himself. He expects his dependents to clip coupons.
The Generous Narcissist will adorn his family members with nice clothing, jewelry and cars. But these things are not for their enjoyment, but rather a display of the Narcissist’s wealth.
Bottom line, the Narcissist is never really generous. He or she uses money to manipulate, blackmail and control other people, and to display his success and his superiority. Just as the Narcissist’s “love” is conditional, so is his generosity.”
Quote by Pam McCoy | write, author and co-host of crazybusters.com