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Once you get through the incredibly cruel smear campaign, you may just realize that it was so thorough and malicious, that there is nobody, and I mean nobody that was once in your circle of trusted friends that wasn’t affected by it.
Phone calls are not returned. Texts and email are ignored. Requests to get together for simple social affairs are ignored. It seems everywhere you turn, your friends have disappeared, and nobody is saying anything.
Holiday greetings are not acknowledged, leaving you scratching your head. You have become persona non gratis to the world. Completely isolated.
Since your discovery of Pathological Narcissism can you begin to see that you have been smeared by a perversity attack that that was methodically orchestrated to assassinate your character to no end.
Perhaps you begin to come to the understanding that this was not the first time that a pathological narcissist family member had attacked your reputation, throwing you into a state of turmoil.
Digging into your memory, you begin to see a common denominator in some events that have always confused you. In specific moments of your life, usually at times of successes or at the height of your happiness, failure or sabotage comes out of nowhere, leaving you with wondering “What the Hell just happened?”
Career jobs were lost, relationships suddenly and without warning were undermined, a home burglarized, and untold numerous offenses had occurred, leaving you with the arduous task of rebuilding your complete network.
“The Narcissist’s fear is engaged. Something the victim knows about the narc engages his paranoia that the victim can harm him. By being preoccupied with what the victim is doing, he remains engaged. WHY? We know that narcs dont love their victims, so it’s not that they’re hoping we come back to them. They KNOW that WE KNOW their deep dark secret and truth. WE ARE A THREAT. Only the narc and his target understand this macabre reality. As many times as the victim has tried to articulate to others, many find it hard to believe that the narcissist engages in such subversive games and manipulations and is truly this mentally disturbed; as the IMAGE does NOT represent that. It does, to those of us who know how to read everything a narc says and does.”
ANA – After Narcissist Abuse
The narcissist will set you up to fail, then twist events and slander you as being unstable by not being able to hold a job or maintain relations, either romantically, or by friendship.
In memory, you see these events clearly as they occurred and you re-live the disbelief and frustration of obvious torpedoed attacks. In every instance, you see that the narcissist sister was there and hiding in plain sight.
So you realize that you’ve been through the smearing before and had survived, in spite of the severity of the destruction. Still, you are mad as hell and want to confront the narcissist, not about past offenses, but only about current questions you hold about important family matters.
You were, after all, you were well within the boundaries of morality, decency and the law. It was never your intent to hurt, but to only retrieve answers to some troubling evidence that you had come across.
To seek out truth is the right of man, is it not?
Not to a narcissist. The narcissist believes that you are nothing more than property to be used and abused at their will. Their silent demand is for you to ‘give in’ and be subjected to the narcissist’s grandiose sense of superiority. To the narcissist, you have no rights, emotions, wants or needs. You are an object of their sadistic torture.
Close Inspection of the Character Assassin’s Tale
Perhaps, the most mind-boggling effect of being targeted by a pathological narcissist’s smear campaign is how anyone could or would believe the narrative that they are spreading. A closer inspection of their words will reveal that they are simply full of shit.
When a person becomes familiar with the fabrications that the narcissist employs, then they will begin to see beyond the mask of deception. One obstacle arises within the perception of the “audience” and it plays into the hands of the pathological slanderer.
The narcissist knows this strong character trait in the unsuspecting normalized individual and plays it as a weakness in order to gain trust and pity from the now targeted audience. To the pathological narcissist, people are nothing but pawns to use in their sick game of maintaining their false self of grandiose superiority.
To explain why people are so easily taken in by these superficially charming and socially adept, but socially dangerous, psychopaths, in “Without Conscience” Dr. Robert Hare quotes from William March’s The Bad Seed (1954):
“Good people are rarely suspicious: they cannot imagine others doing the things they themselves are incapable of doing; usually they accept the undramatic solution as the correct one, and let matters rest there. Then too, the normal are inclined to visualize the [psychopath] as one who’s as monstrous in appearance as he is in mind, which is about as far from the truth as one could well get . . . These monsters of real life usually looked and behaved in a more normal manner than their actually normal brothers and sisters; they presented a more convincing picture of virtue than virtue presented of itself.”
Trust, but verify. The pathological slanderer’s narrative will quickly fall apart when you begin to ask questions. As pathological liars, they will quickly expose themselves as such when you begin to ask direct questions when they aren’t rehearsed. When you get them away from their well-rehearsed ‘talking points’, they will begin to crumble and employ ‘gaslighting’ to deflect any suspicion of their moral malfeasance.
What I like best about truth is that it never changes, and it endures the test of time.
Stalking – The Creepy Abusive tactic
Being stalked is a horrible experience, and can leave you paranoid (for good reason), terrorized and otherwise frightened. It can also be extremely dangerous and is a warning sign that the person behind the surveilance is indeed, a very disturbed person.
You realize very quickly that you are dealing with ‘something’ that does not, nor ever has had, your health and safety in mind.
It seems the only people who show an interest in you are the ones the narcissist has hired to keep a watchful eye on you. Thankfully, you are keenly aware of this stalking by proxy, and even enjoy the game of cat and mouse for a little while.
The convictions of your intuition have always been on target, and this time it is no different. Only then do you realize, as I had, that there was overkill in her need to keep a watchful eye on me.
The resources and money that was spent on surveillance must be staggering. The irony is that all she would have had to do was to meet me publicly for a short meeting while I laid out the evidence and asking her to explain the deception.
In true playbook fashion, the narcissist is an extreme coward when the light of truth exposes them as con-men and liars who can morph into another persona at will. To the onlooker or victim, the sight is nothing less than terrifying to witness a real-life Jeckl/Hyde.
The enigma that surrounds the multiple personalities of the Narcissist can be attributed to a “Shapeshifter.”
The pathological narcissist can become different “people” at whim when their needs require them to do so. I believe this is the reason that you can never get a narcissist to take a stand on a topic within a group setting of her ‘followers’, as I have observed.
And being remorseless and without conscious, they can partake in a sadistic pleasure to watch the consequences of of your refusal to obey their demands of admiration.
This tactic of ‘lying through omission’, allows them to remain silent, while closely listening to others, interjecting only when the topic becomes possibly dangerous to their secret. They simply cannot go ‘on the record’, which would disable their favorite weapon – ‘Gaslighting’.
…the narcissist’s entire playbook of dirty tricks is used to discredit you as a person. If they are continuing the harassment through stalking, then the effects of their smear campaign can be overcome, in their mind. Therefore, you still pose a threat to the narcissist by being armed with facts and truth. They seek opportunities to blackmail you and further erode your credibility.
This has to be the most difficult aspect of the Narcissist for people with normal minds to understand. Their uncanny ability to COMPLETELY reshape their persona and leave the other one behind as if it is nothing but a shell – is mind bending for those who are close to them.
You would probably think that after a successful smear campaign, all would be over and you could begin the arduous task of rebuilding your career/character/base.
This may not be the case.
Depending on the several factors, the pathological narcissist may have you followed, threatened and intimidated into silence. And worse, the narcissist with their scripted and well rehearsed coy delivery of lies, could falsely report you to authorities claiming that you are a bad person and be dealt with harshly.
This occurred to me twice before. Fortunately, the evidence didn’t support the accusation and I was cleared of all charges. Which angered the narcissist even more, resulting in her continued illegal stalking and surveillance.
Depending on the individual being stalked and the threshold for a healthy “I don’t care” attitude, your best defense might just be not to give a damn.
For me, as creepy as it is and continues to be, the reasoning for stalking seems to be laughable in the face of looking for information to blackmail me with.
Remember, the narcissist’s entire playbook of dirty tricks is used to discredit you as a person. If they are continuing the harassment through stalking, then the effects of their smear campaign can be overcome, in their mind. Therefore, you still pose a threat to the narcissist by being armed with facts and truth. They seek opportunities to blackmail you and further erode your credibility.
Stand firm with your knowledge of the abuse and believe in your self. As I have, maintain a journal and detail any act that of the stalking. Notify your local policing agency and keep them up to date with developments.
You hold the truth, don’t ever forget that.
Debilitating Effects of Stalking
Below is an excerpt by Dr. Sam Vaknin, a worldwide authority on Pathological Narcissism.
Repeated abuse has long lasting pernicious and traumatic effects such as panic attacks, hyper-vigilance, sleep disturbances, flashbacks (intrusive memories), suicidal idealization, and psychosomatic symptoms. The victims experience shame, depression, anxiety, embarrassment, guilt, humiliation, abandonment, and an enhanced sense of vulnerability.
C-PTSD (Complex PTSD) has been proposed as a new mental health diagnosis by Dr. Judith Herman of Harvard University to account for the impact of extended periods of trauma and abuse.
In “Stalking – An Overview of the Problem” [Can J Psychiatry 1998;43:473–476], authors Karen M Abrams and Gail Erlick Robinson write: “Initially, there is often much denial by the victim. Over time, however, the stress begins to erode the victim’s life and psychological brutalization results. Sometimes the victim develops an almost fatal resolve that, inevitably, one day she will be murdered. Victims, unable to live a normal life, describe feeling stripped of self-worth and dignity. Personal control and resources, psycho-social development, social support, premorbid personality traits, and the severity of the stress may all influence how the victim experiences and responds to it… Victims stalked by ex-lovers may experience additional guilt and lowered self-esteem for perceived poor judgment in their relationship choices. Many victims become isolated and deprived of support when employers or friends withdraw after also being subjected to harassment or are cut off by the victim in order to protect them. Other tangible consequences include financial losses from quitting jobs, moving, and buying expensive security equipment in an attempt to gain privacy. Changing homes and jobs results in both material losses and loss of self-respect.”
Surprisingly, verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse have the same effects as the physical variety [Psychology Today, September/October 2000 issue, p.24]. Abuse of all kinds also interferes with the victim’s ability to work. Abrams and Robinson wrote this [in “Occupational Effects of Stalking”, Can J Psychiatry 2002;47:468–472]:
“… (B)eing stalked by a former partner may affect a victim’s ability to work in 3 ways. First, the stalking behaviors often interfere directly with the ability to get to work (for example, flattening tires or other methods of preventing leaving the home). Second, the workplace may become an unsafe location if the offender decides to appear. Third, the mental health effects of such trauma may result in forgetfulness, fatigue, lowered concentration, and disorganization. These factors may lead to the loss of employment, with accompanying loss of income, security, and status.”
Still, it is hard to generalize. Victims are not a uniform lot. In some cultures, abuse is commonplace and accepted as a legitimate mode of communication, a sign of love and caring, and a boost to the abuser’s self-image. In such circumstances, the victim is likely to adopt the norms of society and avoid serious trauma.
The Narcissist’s fear is engaged. Something the victim knows about the narcissist engages his paranoia that the victim can harm him. By being preoccupied with what the victim is doing, he remains engaged. WHY? We know that narcs dont love their victims, so it’s not that they’re hoping we come back to them. They KNOW that WE KNOW their deep dark secret and truth. WE ARE A THREAT. Only the narc and his target understand this macabre reality. As many times as the victim has tried to articulate to others, many find it hard to believe that the narcissist engages in such subversive games and manipulations and is truly this mentally disturbed; as the IMAGE does NOT represent that. It does, to those of us who know how to read everything a narcissist says and does. Excerpt from After Narcissist Abuse