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AN OPEN LETTER TO SOMEONE I USED TO CALL “SISTER”

Where do you begin a letter to someone whom you have come to understand was not the person you’ve always thought to be? What do you say to the person who has targeted you for destruction for half a century without overtly communicating any grievance?

Why did you do it?

Why did you destroy the entire Williams family, driving wedges of discontent, to cover for your own shame, guilt and fear? Why did you target me, as opposed to your other brother, whom “supposedly” raped you as a child? Why did you want to destroy all happiness and successes that I have experienced throughout the years?

The covert attacks and slanderous accusations have never been openly directed to me, but rather fully behind my back, without being aware that garbage was being dumped at my feet, leaving me with no defense of my character. And, why would you want to manipulate all of the family, many of my friends, many of my professional business acquaintances and employers, love interests and girlfriends to turn their backs on me?

Most telling, were the twisted pathological lies that were told to me about our German brethren. Yet, when you called to tell me of your meeting them in Europe, the very first words out of your mouth were “Mom was such a liar”. Then and there is when I took the blinders off of my eyes to see the evil behind your mask. And, in pure form talking out of both sides of your mouth, you wasted no time with your diabolical, underhanded obvious smear campaign, erasing me from the family history. To which, did you really expect me to believe the constantly changing excuses that you told to me, while refusing to give contact information on for the extended family? And, your triangulation with your accomplice backfired as well. Now, tell me again…who was lying?

SHINING A LIGHT ON DARKNESS.

I’m too astute of an observer for you, sister. Trusting in others has always been my downfall, and proudly wear many scars on my back from betrayal, but I never wanted to believe you were the source of such diabolicol maneuvering. However, as my heart sank, shattered into pieces, the images and memories came flowing in to my consciousness and realizing that all along, it was you. In plain sight, hiding in the shadows and wrapping yourself in the coy innocence of your well constructed facade. Of course! I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry, but it’s no wonder that you run like a cockroach from a simple request for civilized public discussion.

That request still stands, by the way. But, don’t be so foolish as to think that I’ll make contact with you in any way outside of a public venue, complete with video and recordings, as well as security. It’s so sad that a person must have a 1st person witness in order to talk and seek disclosure from you. But, that doesn’t really surprise me anymore since discovering the severity of your Narcissism.

I have no clue, not a single one, as to what I have been guilty of, that would keep all away from me as if I’m a scourge. But I do know this, your efforts to contain and control me which began many years ago were puzzling, at best; yet grew increasingly sinister as we grew into adulthood. Still, I couldn’t fathom your motive or wrap my mind around an unknown grudge that you secretly held against me. Even today, the struggle to understand how a person can do this kind of treachery to anybody, let alone family, is without question the most difficult problem that I’ve ever wrestled with.

Again, I ask why!? After all, wasn’t I the sibling that you were closest to as a child? We were almost twins, and were raised by the same parents, enjoyed the same home, explored and shared each other’s dreams and tales of discovery. We were taken care of and showed great moral guidance from our parents, enjoyed great friends, were given room to grow and plenty of privacy. Our father adored you no more or less than all of us, and provided greatly for our needs, yet, somehow you felt embarrassed by him as a teen. Why?

Where do I begin except to say the we’ve missed out on so much together, which can never be replaced? So many times I’ve noticed the beautiful bond between brothers and sisters, at an early age as well as adults, and with feeling sadness in realizing that we’ve lost the most precious moments that can be had between family. It’s the way it used to be when we were children coming of age in the small rural town in Illinois. We attended our last movie together, then. Do you remember the name of the film? I do.

I have many memories of us during those times, and there are a few that stand out in clear and concise perspective. Yes, I’m grateful of those times, those memories, and will always hold them dear. Even after our move to the Cape, you and I wasted no time in exploring the new town, discovering new places and making friends at the park. We walked together, we talked together, we explored together. We were family and you and I could always count on each other in expressing our thoughts, dreams, and secrets without a fear of judgment. We were family, then.

That all changed later that winter, and perplexing, it was. I couldn’t understand how we shopped at the general store for small gifts and even selected Christmas presents for our family, and when home, scrambled to your room and while lounging on your bed, began the task of wrapping and making bows for the gifts, decorating and making ornaments for the tree. Yet, within weeks after that holiday, you were screaming at me to “stay away from your friends!”. Then, you began avoiding me entirely. And finally, you began to distance yourself from our father.

It had always bothered me greatly that you had become distant, cold, and impossible to reach on a human level. And by the time we reached the Coast, you wasted no time in eluding family relations. Refusing to be seen in public with me or our father was the most telling and disturbing of your selfish, self serving elitism that was being developed, with you suddenly taking the identity of you being so much better than me, or even our dad. Your obsession with secrecy was disturbing to watch, and even forbid me to talk to your friends. Then the public mockery began at school.

At that time, I never understood that you were hiding from and protecting yourself from the carnal shame that you (thought) was witnessed by an innocent 13 year old boy, me.

It wasn’t that long ago, after breaking my self-imposed “no contact”, I was shocked and disgusted to hear your voice and what it was telling me right “out of the box”. While I had doubts that it happened that way, as your words, as incoherant as they were, seemed rehearsed and contrived. Still the message was loud and clear…you had blamed me over all of these years for the shame, anger, and abuse that you suffered at the hands of another, for an innocent act of discovering your secret.

Again, why did you do it? Why would you crush an innocent child who had a heart of gold and gave without condition to anyone. I still do, by the way. Why would you lift and support your half-brother who did that to you? Knowing him as I now do, I’m not surprised that he’s capable of such a horrendous act, yet I recall many times when you would boast of his artistic abilities and somehow compare my attempts, as good as they were, as being ridiculous and laughable.

Many years ago, in a place in time that was innocent and optimistic with youthful exploits of discovery and inquisitiveness, a young boy scampered up the staircase to get from his bedroom something that was needed for the moment. It was cold outside and the joys of Christmas had just passed a few weeks earlier. Perhaps, it was a winter coat that was needed, or the model car that he was building. Or perhaps it was the Labyrinth maze that was a Christmas gift from Krista, the boy’s oldest sibling.


Topping the staircase, the bedroom that the boy shared with his only brother was just down the hall on the right. Hurriedly, he swung open the door to enter, and was immediately shouted out by his older brother. Without asking why or defying his commands, the young boy turned and, as quickly as he entered, left the room, but not before seeing something that was happening on the top rack of the bunk beds that the two brothers shared.


As innocently as he entered the room, he left. This single event of opening a door to enter his bedroom was nothing more than a common daily occurrence that was virtuous in it’s entirety. That boy, at the time, was as naive as could be for someone who grew up in a home that was protected with studious moral guidance. That boy couldn’t have fathomed the act, nor the implications that would last a lifetime. Little did he realize, in one single moment, the cohesive fabric that bonded a family together was ripped apart and forever unable to mend.


That boy, thirteen years old, free-spirited and, as youngsters are, rambunctious, obediently left the room. continuing on his happy-go-lucky way. He was completely unaware of the act that was playing out behind the door, or even why he was yelled out of the room.


That boy was me.
This is my letter to you.

Before I go further, allow me to clear the air of your smoke and mirrors. I fully expect this letter to mean nothing to you. I expect my words to be ignored and ridiculed. I expect my sincerest feelings to be laughable and unimportant. I expect you to parse words and twist facts to fit your diabolical agenda of my destruction and isolation. I expect you to declare that this letter is evidence of delusion or other mental incompetence. Do so at your own risk.

But, isn’t that a prevalent symptom of Narcissism…to deflect and shift blame, and project onto other’s the very deceit that the narcissist is guilty of?”

Most of all, I expect you to fly into another of your Psychopathic rages, and unleash many more of your “flying monkeys” to harass, threaten and intimidate me into silence. Possibly, even to have me killed this time, as you have sent your hired goons to harrass and itimidate me previously, as an attempt to silence me. In other words, your haughty arrogance and grandiose entitlement expects me to “sit down and shut up”. You talkin’ to me?

And, being a pathetic coward, you will do this via proxy of your hired tools who are unwittingly duped into believing a single word coming from your pathological lying superior self serving mouth.

Of course, shallow and conniving beings like you, surround themselves with other shallow people who blindly fall into your web of control, never seeing behind the mask of deceit that you have constructed so well.

And like a prostitute, many are subservient to the prospect of a financial gain from your ill gotten wealth. Blood money, slut money!

As hard as you tried to do so in the past, and continue to do, you never learned that you couldn’t control me. What you have done and continue to do is unconscionable to a healthy and normal human, and many will side with you, while looking at me as the aggressor or problem. OK, I get it. That’s the skill of a manipulator.

When a narcissist cannot control you, they will control how other’s see and think of you.

I was 55 years old when I got a good look behind the “mask” that you parade around in and carefully constructed. It took another 5 years to see just how Machiavellian and cowardly you actually are. Had we spent more time together, face to face, your charade would have been exposed decades ago. The irony of Narcissist masks, is that they are thinly veiled to an astute observer of human psychology, and once you know what to look for, your facade becomes transparent.

Understanding the shame and emptiness that you have carried in this life must indeed be unbearable, the anger that you bury deep within must be an incredible burden to cope with. I truly feel sorry for you. That being said, I don’t believe there’s a God in Heaven who’ll show mercy on your soul.

Unlike your lifelong intentions, I have no desire to destroy and isolate you with cheap shot smears and slanderous lies. What other’s think of you is not my business, and can no longer concern myself with scrutiny of those who fail or refuse to verify (what should be) obvious malice of your attacks on my character. Worse yet, was your deeply sadistic need to bring down the entire family in order to conceal your shame. This can never be forgiven.

In spite of the lifelong deciet and betrayal, I try even today to forgive you for all of the destruction that you’ve thrown my way during this life, and continue to do. We are old now, and our lives are pretty much over with if you look at the numbers. Furthermore, I understand that me offering forgiveness for the lifetime of deceit will be laughed off as being weak, just as my forgiving you the last time was met with increased manipulation and your pathetic pathological lies to keep me isolated from economic, social, familial support and acquaintance. All of this wrapped in the coy innocence that you feign so well. Yes, I’m caught between loathing you and loving you, but I’m free from you.

You were quite an actress. That is, before you were caught. And what I find befuddling is how anyone can believe a single word coming from you, after all, you lie to and about your husbands, family, and friends, always reinventing yourself to the perfect image that serves only you. I saw your transition many years ago, but said nothing because we were “family”, and yet didn’t understand the dangers that were playing out behind your phony facade.

The clinical world of Psychology has a label for you and your mental derangement. It’s called “Dark Triad”, or, “Covert Malignant Narcissist”. And, yes, I can attest along with your past husbands that you are a dangerous predator, indeed.

When there’s turmoil in your life – look for the Psychopath

And a pathetic fraud. Then, as well as now.

And no, I don’t apologize for not meeting your impossible to meet demands that you threw my way when we were younger. I, nor anyone else, could live up to your fantasy of superior grandiosity. Yet, to this day you demand repayment for petty grievances, after the many covert attacks you’ve done. Besides, I’ve done much more for strangers, the homeless, and other’s in need without asking for anything in return. To do otherwise is totally against my core being.

In closing, it’s no wonder that, as adults, we have never shared times together, seen a movie together, had dinner together, road trip, vacation, or even talked candidly together during our lives. Not even having a drink together, or watching a sporting event. You’ve shown no interest in my life, I’ve never been welcomed into yours. I’ve not received a single compliment from you, you’ve never visited me at any of my apartments, nor dropped in to say hello. And when I was invited to your places, servitude was expected by means of me helping to move, or preparing dinner for many of your guests, only to be met with criticism and your narcissistic insults.

And you had the audacity to call me ungrateful.

But, isn’t that a prevalent symptom of Narcissism…to deflect and shift blame, and project onto other’s the very deceit that the narcissist is guilty of? I recall quite well how your (unknown at that time) lover brother stood right in front of me and called me a “con artist”, only to be met with laughter. Imagine, coming from him those words being directed towards anyone…laughable. He was the easy one to figure out, as he was in-your-face overt with his Psychotic Sociopathy. Yet, the both of you worked in unison to have me falsely arrested. And, when that wasn’t successful, so you increased your efforts and place the blame on mother. It’s no wonder that she had lost all trust in you. I recall her calling you a snake in the grass.

Yet, didn’t you pillage mother’s estate years before she died? And, didn’t you tell your nephew that mother had died years before she actually did? Besides you stealing mine, you stole his inheritance, too?

If I may entertain a bit of conjecture…if there ever there was a way to return to that cold day in January 1970, I’d have gone to a picture show, or to my friends home, or helped dad with whatever project he was doing. I would have gone anywhere, done anything, to keep me away from the house that day, to keep me from unsuspectingly entering my own bedroom and discovering you, and your other brother, in bed together.

I would much rather have gone through my life with a sister who supported me, as opposed to developing a pathological hatred of me, and spending her entire life since, destroying an honest and good hearted boy who thought the world of you. Especially, since I was the innocent one.

Then, as of now.

I say good riddance to you once and for all, as well as all of your minions.

As a footnote, you’ve heard me previously state that “there are many people out there in this world who will stop at nothing to try to crush your spirit, steal your soul. A man’s soul is sovereign and cannot be stolen, crushed or otherwise. It’s up to him, alone, to guard it and protect it”. Ironically, it was you all along hiding in plain sight, masquerading as a loving sister, that wanted me crushed, and never to be able to remind you of the carnal shame that you brought upon yourself.

After all of the damage you’ve done to me and to many others, it’s pleasing to note that my spirit still soars with human empathy, dignity and conscience. You, on the other hand, remain a Malignant Narcissist.

My heart cries for you.

To the reader and/or subject of this deeply personal letter: After a long struggle with conflict within my base of morality and personal integrity, I chose to publish this letter not as retribution or revenge, but rather to shine a light on your internal darkness that I can only define as nothing but “pure evil”.

Unlike your lifelong intentions, I have no desire to destroy and isolate you with cheap shot smears and slanderous lies. What other’s think of you is not my business, and can no longer concern myself with scrutiny of those who fail or refuse to verify (what should be) obvious malice of your attacks on my character. Worse yet, was your deeply sadistic need to bring down the entire family in order to conceal your shame. This can never be forgiven.

Because you see me as the only person alive that knows the truth of your incest. The problem is, I never knew what the fuck was happening in that room, and never would have understood it, anyway.

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