There is absolutely nothing that I despise more than corruption and the subsequent cover-up that occurs by a person or group that is intent on deceiving others. In every case, it is for their own personal gain that their corrupt mind conspires to withhold vital information that should be rightfully transparent.
The effects of their preoccupation on deceiving is compounded with the understanding that they have used your good qualities of character against you, and through a conspiracy, you become the last to know.
Once you get through their maze of conflicting statements and confusing rhetoric with no help from the conspirators, you only seek honest answers from the honest questions you ask.
Even then, the denial and gaslighting techniques are shifted to overdrive. The silent treatment of lying through omission is puzzling at first, until you recognize the distinct patterns of deception that are laying out in clear view.
You realize that you are dealing with a narcissist, and a very nasty one at that. Understanding this, the idea that you could get a moment to discuss the topic of question becomes unreachable. They have anticipated your discovery of their betrayal and have already thrown every tactic in their bag of dirty tricks at you
Because you awaken to their playbook, the gaslighting and coy manipulations that are wrapped in feigned innocence no longer affect you. And while you don’t like the cheap shots that they will use to mock you and diminish your character, you have become accustomed to them through years of cowardly, behind the scenes attacks. Like their lies that are now transparent, the smears will be taken in stride as being delivered from an extremely disordered narcissist.
After these revelations can no longer be ignored, a profound sense of loss may occur deep within, as it did to me. Feelings of isolation, disbelief and depression, may come over you when you understand that this scenario was played out with family members who had years ago conspired against you.
When faced with this kind of treachery, it’s imperative that you dig deep within to your core being to tap into the inner strength that has guided you this far. Truth has always been your ‘rock’ and what’s important is that you not fall from the foundation that you stand upon. To do otherwise will backfire and may leave you broken.
The malignant narcissist has already anticipated your response and set the stage for your complete isolation and demise. Which angers you even more. With a malignant narcissist, you are not dealing with a rational decent person.
The narcissist is never wrong in his/her mind. they have zero remorse, have no care or consideration for others, and will always blame someone else for their discomfort. If you are gaining insights to their betrayals and they suspect it, of course you are going to be smeared, and the narcissist will twist information to make them look like the great person and you the one at fault.
• Truth is not simply whatever works. This is the philosophy of pragmatism – an ends-vs.-means-type approach. In reality, lies can appear to “work,” but they are still lies and not the truth.
• Truth is not simply what is coherent or understandable. A group of people can get together and form a conspiracy based on a set of falsehoods where they all agree to tell the same false story, but it does not make their presentation true.
• Truth is not what makes people feel good. Unfortunately, bad news can be true.
• Truth is not what the majority says is true. Fifty-one percent of a group can reach a wrong conclusion.
• Truth is not what is comprehensive. A lengthy, detailed presentation can still result in a false conclusion.
• Truth is not defined by what is intended. Good intentions can still be wrong.
• Truth is not how we know; truth is what we know.
• Truth is not simply what is believed. A lie believed is still a lie.
• Truth is not what is publicly proved. A truth can be privately known (for example, the location of buried treasure).
The Greek word for “truth” is aletheia, which literally means to “un-hide” or “hiding nothing.” It conveys the thought that truth is always there, always open and available for all to see, with nothing being hidden or obscured. The Hebrew word for “truth” is emeth, which means “firmness,” “constancy” and “duration.” Such a definition implies an everlasting substance and something that can be relied upon.
From a philosophical perspective, there are three simple ways to define truth:
1. Truth is that which corresponds to reality.
2. Truth is that which matches its object.
3. Truth is simply telling it like it is.
They will do whatever is needed to keep you from the truth – that they simply hate you for irrational reasons unknown and unfounded. It’s a pathological game of power and control that is fueled by an envy that stems from their early childhood. Above all, the hatred which had never been outwardly projected toward me is rooted to something I had unknowingly witnessed many years earlier. I knew the dirty secrets of the narcissist.
Secrets that held such a deep shame that her only way of survival was to eliminate the very person who would constantly remind her of that shameful discovery. It would be an albatross that she would experience whenever I was present. [link]
You very well might find out that your character has been destroyed, that your strongest traits have been twisted and redesigned to meet with the narcissist’s agenda to manipulate you from the family history and your treasured friends. If that wasn’t enough, relentless spying and stalking of you by proxy becomes unnerving. And, the police won’t help since they’re not equipped for this kind of crime.
All you have left is truth. You know the truth and that is why the narcissist seeks your destruction.
Lies, Guilt and Shame
All of us at one time or another have spoken words or behaved in a way that wasn’t true to our core beliefs. According to F.B.I. investigators, seemingly honest people of real integrity lie on the average of 10 times per day. It might be something as benign as agreeing with another person’s opinion that is antithetical of one you might hold. Or, during small talk at a social function where hyperbole proliferates.
Personally, I never did the small talk thing very well as it seemed a pointless exercise in hyperbolic futility. Normally, the discomfort in such events left me intellectually wanting as I anticipated the escape from the boredom of braggarts.
Then, there are lies that are told to other’s that are designed to deliberately mislead that is in direct opposition to what actual events that occurred. Whatever the reasoning or the cause of these untruths, the telling of these deliberate lies causes more lies to cover for inconsistencies that are exposed during the telling of that lie.
I see the lie as a hydra – the body of the hydra is the lie, and from there are tentacles that expose inconsistencies which must be covered. As further lies are told to cover for the inconsistencies, other off shoots of the tentacles force other lies to conceal yet more of these inconsistencies.
Before you know or realize, the liars entire narrative is a big lie. As well as their life. And, in the case of a pathological narcissist, this is how they tell on themselves.
Because the pathological liar cannot remember all of the different excuses and lies that were told in order to cover for their lack of moral compass, under direct questioning they will begin unraveling.
The difference being that when caught in a lie, the person who has a base of honesty will normally repent and feel shamed by the telling of a lie, and walk away with his head hung low. With this feeling of remorse, the very human emotion allows most reasonable people to forgive and consider the slight to be as ‘water under the bridge’. And with this feeling of guilt and shame, a conscientious person will begin to think twice about the after effects of telling a lie.
It’s quite common that this type of behavior exists in some form during childhood, and with proper guidance, discipline and as maturity sets in, it disappears by the later adolescent years.
With honesty in character, it is much too easy to tell the truth in all matters when confronted, than it is to carry the shame with you, even for a short period of time.
Knowing this, the malignant narcissist has long ago identified your character strengths and shelved them away to use for future attacks. And if/when you have the misfortune of being targeted by one of these vile predatory assassins, you will find that the very albatross of shame that they are burdened with will be cast upon your shoulders without warning or righteous cause.
The Beauty of Truth
In a postmodern world that denies that truth can be known, the question is more important than ever to answer. What is truth?
The beauty of truth is that it never changes. Truth can withstand the test of time and all attempts to destroy it. As long as you stand on the foundation of rock with truth as your weapon, the truth about the abuse that you’ve endured at the hands of malignant narcissists can never waver.
Another truth that I must mention here, is that many, if not all, of those whom you have been slandered to will not believe the truth. The machiavellian narcissist sociopath has fine tuned her feigned innocence from a very early age and knows very well how to manipulate people in order to get what she wants or needs. The diabolical charade takes on a new form and twists the truth to their endgame. Their acting skills are superbly orchestrated and the final act is your complete isolation. To the unsuspecting recipient of the slanderous tongue, the narcissist projects the very treacherous maneuverings that she is guilty of, thoroughly on to their victim, leaving the victim without defense.
If you have been slandered, bullied, scapegoated and gaslighted by a malignant narcissist as I have, then you know how completely devastating the damage to your well being can be. The multiplied emptiness happens when you suffer this kind of abuse from family members.
And no one tells you why.
Along the rugged seacoast of New England, you see many lighthouses guarding the shipping lanes and warning of impending doom to the wayward sailor. They stand stoically and with courage facing the roughest elements as they are relentlessly battered by legendary nor’easter waves. In the face of all odds, they stand alone and thrust a beacon of light to guide the way and warn against lurking hazards.
We survivors of narcissist abuse are as the lighthouse, standing courageously alone and seemingly against the odds, casting the beacon of truth to warn others of potential doom.