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You’ve recently learned that you’ve been targeted by a Narcissist, having been “played” for a fool. Are you angry that the narcissist has used your good heart and willingness to help against you?
Are you devastated, hurt and do you feel crushed that the person whom you trusted and admired had been a heartless predator who had secretly hated you and sought to undermine your accomplishments, relationships, and credibility in the eyes of others?
After the anger, do you feel liberated by the knowledge of of the torment that you’ve suffered by this person wasn’t your fault after all? You always knew that you had no role in the dysfunction, but rather You begin to see in clear light that you were callously manipulated and conned by an extraordinary player.
How are you supposed to feel when you learn that it was a close family member who was behind some of the most vile acts that eventually dismantled all cohesion and unity within that family, as if you are a bad person?
Suddenly it dawns on you that you had not felt comforatbly at ease in their presence in many years, which you had always questioned. What’s more, is your concerns and observations had always been dismissed as silly or imagined, and met with an excuse or cold demeanor.
This kind of betrayal has no words to describe the shock, pain, and immense sadness that you will endure. Welcome to the world of Narcissist Abuse.
What you’ve experienced with this person you wouldn’t wish on anyone or anything, and it’s good advice not to seek revenge, as much as you’d like to. Doing so, will lower you to her playing field and you will not win.
“To seek revenge is to dig two graves.” – Confucius
Being angry, hurt and devastated and the myriad of other human emotions that you will be feeling is good, as it shows that you’re a healthy and normally developed person. However, clearer heads prevail, and at this time you’ll need a clear mind, clear conscious, and clear vision for your path to recovery.
At the beginning of your journey to recovery from narcissistic abuse, the chances are you are learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and coming to grips with the abuse you’ve suffered.
If so, you are most likely waking up to the ugly truth: what the pathological narcissist is, and how unscrupulous they are and how easily they enjoy destroying their target without remorse, guilt, or conscious.
Then, the question of “what happens when the narcissist knows you’ve figured them out” is front and center of mind.
Because of the nature of this disorder, you may be stressed, anxious and possibly fearful about what will happen when they know you’re onto them.
Because Pathological Narcissism exists on a scale, there are a variety of differing profiles covering the continuum including overt, covert, malignant, and sociopaths narcissists.
Specifically, how each one reacts when they know you’ve figured them out varies. However, there are common reactions to expect.
Always remember this: to the Narcissist, every person in their circle of people are tools to be used for a specific purpose. That purpose is Narcissist Supply. (This will be discussed in a future post)
When the Narcissist suspects that you’ve uncovered them, they will go into the discard phase very quickly, preparing for ‘full battle mode’, to get ready to implement the destructive force of their arsenal of control.
Without warning, they will use maximum force and you will be assassinated on the spot, probably never to gain a glimmer of positive reinforcement from those people whom you’ve had healthy and honest relations with. Anyone, including your family and circle of friends or acquaintances will become tool to use for the narcissist’s ultimate goal of your annihilation.
Common friends, social media contacts, love interests, work relationships will all be targeted for your removal and ultimate isolation from support.
They will attack you financially, and attempt to cripple your ability to earn a living. In sadistic form, the Narcissist will then mock and make a great spectacle out of your misfortune that they had created.
Attacks will come swiftly and be so destructive, that you won’t know what hit you. The shock of the character smears will leave you shaking your head and wondering “what the hell just happened?”
The narcissist does not care if you are family -a spouse, child, sibling or relative. They care not if you or other collateral damage gets hurt in the process. They have but one objective: to win at all costs.
And being remorseless and without conscious, they can partake in a sadistic pleasure to watch the consequences of of your refusal to obey their demands of admiration.
Remember, the Narcissist has a deep psychological wound that has stunted emotional growth at some period of their life, usually between infancy and puberty. It is what developmental Psychologists label as “arrested development”.
The thought that you would be able to expose them to the public is the equivalent of total dismantling of their facade that they had so carefully constructed through their years. They can not and will not allow for that to happen, as they have everything to lose. Their entire ‘false self’ identity is built upon the remnants of the discarded ‘true self’ that must be filled with a continuous supply of admiration.
If they fear that you will expose them, or even to allow other’s to take a second look past their mask of perfection, all bets are off for your survival. Prepare for war.
That is, if they don’t get exposed by you first.
I would do this only if you are not dealing with a malignant narcissist or sociopath, as this can be dangerous.
I know from personal experience just how dangerous these souless losers are. You are now enemy #1. However, they will continue to lie to others about you and play the victim in this drama.
Don’t underestimate the destructive power of narcissism. Narcissism is a profound distortion of one’s sense of self. A narcissist’s life is endlessly about gaining “narcissistic supply:” attention, success, wealth, power, control, sexual conquest, and more. They seek to be fed; nothing is more important. This drive is so powerful that narcissists will gleefully betray those closest to them when it suits them.
To paraphrase, by the time you uncover them, it is already too late. You think you have uncovered them, but the reality is they have already devalued you, found new supplies, and discarded you.
Narcissists are always a couple of steps ahead of you all the time. Simply because it was all planned from the beginning, and nothing was real to begin with.
This is what you are up against.